


Why can I not conquer love?

by DisasterSoundtrack



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 18:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2319653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterSoundtrack/pseuds/DisasterSoundtrack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the world is falling apart around them, Cas and Dean try to find each other again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why can I not conquer love?

_ I might have thought that we were one  
Wanted to fight this war without weapons _

_Your name is Dean Winchester and you drive. You sit behind the wheel of your beloved car, swift movements of hands, muscles flexing. You blast loud mullet rock music, because the windows are open and you are alone, empty road, stones and sand and lights somewhere far on the horizon. You will reach them eventually, in a few hours, maybe in the morning, you're not even tired. Well, your body is not, your mind is a completely different story._

_Your name is Dean Winchester and you meet Castiel. Nothing is the same anymore._

_Your name is... sometimes it's Robert Plant, Jeff Hanneman or Eddie Van Halen. Sometimes it's John Smith, and you try hard to remember and keep track of the aliases you use. Sam has a better head for it, sure, but Sam is asleep on the backseat right now, no pillow, no blanket, no nice, long-haired girl to hold and kiss goodnight, just passing lights and pouring rain and three fake ID's in his back pocket. You wish, and you wish it bad and every waking moment that things were different for Sam, your younger brother the only constant in your life, the only person you can trust not to abandon you somewhere along the road. Your name is Dean Winchester and the thought spins fast like water in the drain._

_Your name is Dean Winchester and his name is Castiel. No surname. No birthday. Address: Heaven, if the place is real. Castiel looks unreal, talks unreal, breathes unreal, but when he bleeds, screams or tries to hurt you, you know he's painfully real. Only his eyes shine like two pieces of fake, painted glass._

_"How am I supposed to use it?'" he asks you, helpless, voice too deep, rough and completely incompatible with his scrawny body, walls of a motel room dirty and a little dusty, Cas holding an electrical razor in his hands, not sure what to do with it. You show him, like you showed him many things many times before._

_The first time you touch him, you don't know where to hide your eyes. When he touches you back, it's like waking up from a dream that lasted too long, maybe half your life. You kiss him, guide him through it all and it's not even your last night on Earth. It's just a good night._

_Your name is Dean Winchester and you don't understand yourself now. Not even trying to._

_First night with Castiel you don't go all the way. He's fragile and somewhat oblivious, and you're not exactly familiar with the way of things. But he's here with you, eyes wide open, breath short and you're sure, you're so sure you'll never want this with anybody else. The moment you realize it, the moment he melts underneath you is the moment you're afraid like never before._

_This is going to hurt. You know it is, you're just not sure how much._

(some things should remain in the past)

_And I wanted it, I wanted it bad_   
_But there were so many red flags_

Sam comes back from the cage completely empty. He still moves around like a person, but he sleeps through most of the time or just lies on his bed staring at the ceiling. He doesn't talk at all.  
  
Dean tries and tries and tries to do something about it, but he fails and fails and fails. There's no pain in Sammy's eyes because Sammy isn't there anymore.  
  
Dean spends entire days talking to his brother. He tells him about everything that happened when he wasn't here. He talks to him in a softer voice than usual, he caresses his hair and face, he hugs Sam and cries on his shoulder. He mourns him in his own way. Then he drinks too much and watches Sam lying awake at night.

* 

Two weeks in, and Dean decides it can't go on. Sam's soul is somewhere deep inside Sam's mind, hidden from everyone, and it's not coming back anytime soon. They show up at Bobby's doorstep before the sun sets in red and orange and purple, and there are tears in Bobby's eyes and a frown across his forehead.  
  
"Come on, Sammy. You're all right, you're gonna be all right. We're gonna get you fixed. I promise you, Dean, I'll do my best."  
  
"I really want to believe he's not a hopeless case. He saved the world, he shouldn't go like this..."  
  
Dean's voice trails off somewhere and Bobby just nods his head.  
  
"Have you heard from your winged friend recently?"  
  
"Cas? No, not a word since... You know. I wonder what he's up to."  
  
Sam enters Bobby's house, passing Dean in the doorway. Moving past him, Dean feels a hand in the pocket of his jacket for a moment.  
  
Sam disappears and Bobby looks at Dean with concern.  
  
"Go, son. You have stuff to do. Just visit from time to time, okay?"  
  
"I will. Thank you, Bobby. You are... Thank you."  
  
'Don't mention it.'

* 

Back in the car, Dean reaches into his pocket and finds a crumbled piece of paper there. Sam has written something on it.  
  
_We failed.  
_  
"Goddamn it, Sam."  
  
Dean drives away and then he starts to mourn his brother for real.

 

_ Now another one bites the dust  
Let's be clear, I'll trust no one _

Castiel once said "I always come when you call," so Dean really hopes he will too this time. He sits alone in a motel room, hands folded as if he's about to pray, because what he is about to do is more than a prayer to him. When he speaks to Cas, he knows he will be listened to.  
  
"Please, Castiel. I need your help. I need you. Please come back."  
  
Dean tries to forget about the steamy nights they had, about the kisses and the hands and the short breaths and everything without actual sex. Castiel was falling from grace then. Then, the Apocalypse almost happened. Now, everything is different.  
  
Dean tries to forget about this feeling he has in the pit of his stomach when he thinks about Castiel.  
  
This feeling that makes him want to vomit and warms him up at the same time. He tries to forget, because he felt that before and he knows pretty damn well what it means. It's stronger than ever now, but he must forget.  
  
A flutter of wings announces the arrival of the holy tax accountant. His hair is messy and his coat is a little rumpled, but he seems okay.  
  
"Oh thank God." This feeling is present again, but Dean tries to ignore it.  
  
"What is the matter, Dean?"  
  
Cas's unnaturally blue eyes catch a glimpse of light from a street lamp before he sits down on the bed next to Dean.  
  
The feeling moves from Dean's chest to his pants and he stops holding back, stops pretending. He grabs Cas by the lapels of his coat, drags him closer and presses their lips together. They kiss like it's been a really long time, like lovers who found each other even though they thought they wouldn't ever again. Nothing between them is different.  
  
"Oh thank God."  
  
"You said it before. What's happening, Dean?"  
  
"Well, this." Dean is still a little short of breath when he straightens the piece of paper Sam gave him and puts it in Cas's hand. "He's not talking to me for two weeks, not a fucking _word_ , Cas, I drive him to stay with Bobby, maybe he'll get better, and as a goodbye he gives me this."  
  
Cas stares at the paper and won't look at Dean. Then he stares some more.  
  
"Cas. Please say something, I'm so tired of people not speaking to me."  
  
Castiel startles and turns to Dean, but his gaze is still running.  
  
"Yes, Dean. I've been meaning to tell you anyway, now or later.  
  
"Tell me what exactly?"  
  
Cas takes a deep breath.  
  
"A few days ago, a war in Heaven escalated. In a turn of events, I was banned from entering it for eternity. The thing is, the eternity on Earth will not last long."  
  
"What do you mean it won't last?"  
  
He looks at Dean and Dean kind of wishes he didn't, because this look grabs him by the guts and twists them, hard.  
  
"God is angry, very angry. So he decided to end the world and rebuild it later."  
  
This time, it's Dean who's speechless.  
  
"It's like the Apocalypse, but since God's in charge, we can't do anything to stop it. There won't be demons or reapers, just natural disasters. I tried to reason with God, then I tried to overrule him with an army, and then I failed. He banned me."  
  
"So you're telling me we're about to watch the world burn and we're going to sit back, helpless? And how the hell did Sam knew about this? Is this even what he meant?"  
  
"I think so, yes. Lucifer must have told him while in the cage."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dean, God wishes Lucifer had succeeded."

_*_

Castiel orders Dean to go to bed at 1 AM and it's hard to disobey when his voice is like this, low and deep. After Dean counts all the cracks on the ceiling he can see in the light of his bedside lamp, he turns to his side just to find out Cas hasn't moved for half an hour and is still sitting in a chair by the window.  
  
"Come on, man. You came back from the war you've lost, I've just said goodbye to my shell of a brother and you've literally just told me the world is ending. I think we both deserve some love."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Just get in this bed and hold me."  
  
Cas doesn't hesitate. He dropes almost all of his clothes and slides under the covers next to Dean.  
  
Their bodies entwine in a way that is natural for them, their lips meet for a warm, pleasant moment.  
  
"We don't have that much time, so you have to promise me something, okay, Cas?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"That you won't disappear on me again. I don't want to die alone."  
  
Castiel's chest rises and falls slowly. "I promise."

 

_I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,_   
_But your blade might be too sharp_

It happens a few nights later, their first time. Dean drives back from a hunt furious, because it makes no sense anymore, they are all going to die horribly anyway. Cas is silent, riding shotgun, but as soon as they close the motel room door behind them he approaches Dean carefully, takes off his jacket and unzips his pants, just like that.  
  
"Oh my dear angel, you're not going to get away with it."  
  
They make love and it's a little furious, a little soft and a little awkward on Cas's part. All in all, it's kind of terrible. All in all, they end up enjoying it anyway.  
  
"Now that was pretty awful, don't you think?" asks Dean afterwards, as they lie among slightly damp covers, avoiding looking at each other.  
  
"I have no idea, Dean, I have no previous experience in the field. But out of the things we have done together, this was one of the least enjoyable."  
  
Dean laughs a little, maybe, but just maybe, in a desperate way.  
  
"Don't worry, Cas, we have plenty of time to improve it."  
  
From the way Cas looks at him Dean realizes that no, actually they don't.  
  
"Oh fuck this."

* 

Knowing the world is going to end feels like a heavy weight on your shoulders, no matter how cliché it might sound. They keep on seeing people who make plans, who get on with their lives like everything is alright. Dean kills himself refraining from screaming in their faces. They are all dumb, oh so dumb, and blissfully happy. Or sad without realizing their misery is about to come to an end.  
Dean and Cas drive to see Sam together.  
  
Bobby opens the door and smiles a little.  
  
"Hi guys. Hello, Castiel. Good to see you out and about."  
  
Cas tilts his head, looking at Bobby carefully, testing waters, before he reaches out and waits for a handshake. Bobby pulls him in for a quick hug instead.  
  
"Good to see you too, Bobby Singer."  
  
"Sam is better, Dean. Much better."  
  
Dean is not sure how he feels about this. His brother has a chance to recover, Cas is back, they actually have less worries than ever except that one about the world ending. Actually, Dean knows how it makes him feel. He's angry.  
  
'Sam!" Sam's reading a book by the fireplace, but when Dean calls him, he puts the book down and stands up, looking at him. In his eyes, Dean sees a glimpse of something. Of the old Sammy that went to the cage, perhaps.  
  
"We know about God's Apocalypse, Sam." Dean tells him and Sam nods his head. He smiles at Dean, which is like the weirdest of all the weird things that have happened lately.  
  
"WHAT?" They hear Bobby scream from the hallway where he's talking to Cas. "Are you shitting me, angel?"  
  
"So Cas must've told Bobby," Dean laughs in a dry way and Sam smiles again.

_*_

They leave in the morning after half a night of Dean and Bobby bitching over a bottle of liquor. Bobby is slowly coming to terms with the facts.  
  
"How long?" he asks Cas before they leave.  
  
"A couple of months, I reckon – three perhaps. You will see the signs when it starts – earthquakes, floods, dead cattle. Terrible storms."  
  
"And there's really no way we can pervent it?"  
  
"Unless you want to go up there and reason with God, there is not."  
  
They are on the porch when Sam walks up to Dean and hugs him so tight the older Winchester is short of breath.  
  
"We'll see each other again before _this_ , I promise." says Dean, having trouble to let go.

_ I may snap and I move fast _  
_ But you won't see me fall apart  _

"Do you love me, Dean?" asks Cas one time, in a car, which results in Dean hitting the brakes suddenly.  
  
"You gotta be kidding me. Really?"  
  
"This is a thing people tell each other, right? So do you love me, Dean Winchester?"  
  
"I... you know, Cas."  
  
"I would not have asked if I knew."  
  
He really seems lost, with all the uncertainty in his voice.  
  
"Figure it out, then."  
  
Castiel is quiet for the rest of their drive. He's really giving it some thought and Dean thinks how someone who is thousands years old can be so stupid. Well, to his defence, he's very young as a human.  
  
Then they get to kill a few monsters, so Dean blows off some steam.

_*_

They get a little better in the sex thing, Dean thinks. One time they do it in the back of the Impala parked somewhere between nowhere and nowhere, on the side of a road nobody is using, covered by a few trees. A big city is somewhere, looming on the horizon, Cas's face is lit up by some inner glow and Dean can't help himself. It's urgent, some clothes get torn and some scratches are made, but they don't really care. Cas screams quite loudly. Nobody but Dean hears him. It's wonderful, it's almost glorious and afterwards Cas needs a whole few minutes to be able to speak. Dean feels a little proud when he holds his angel pressed tightly to his naked chest, fingers in his wild hair, feeling him breathe unevenly. Axl Rose sings about November rain in the background.  
  
"Remember when you asked me if I love you?"  
  
"I remember. It was a few days ago."  
  
"I do."

* 

Strange things are happening to Castiel's grace. Some days he's on full–blown angelic power, killing monsters and exorcising demons like a badass, some days he's hungry, sleepy and tired as hell. It's like falling all over again and it pisses him off so bad he punches a mirror once and Dean has to dress his wounds.  
  
"God is angry, he's really angry and he's doing this to me. He must really hate me."  
  
"He hates all of us. He's gonna destroy the world, remember?"

* 

Castiel wakes Dean up in the middle of the night, shaking him by the arm and saying his name repeatedly.  
  
"Dean. Dean. Dean, wake up."  
  
Dean hates being woken up by other people. Dean hates waking up, period.  
  
"What, what? What's going on?"  
  
"I love you too. I just realized I didn't say it before."  
  
Torn between being ridiculously happy and wanting to kill his lover, Dean pulls Cas in for a long kiss.  
  
"Good. I know. Now we're going back to sleep."

 *

It's been raining for a week and it looks like it's not going to stop. Everywhere they go, every village, every little town, every city, water flows through the streets. Rivers and streams are slowly flooding the fields.  
  
Dean and Cas hang out in the outskirts of Chicago, trying to resolve a pack of shapeshifters. It's a menial job, but it pays off. Even though Cas says it's less then a month until everything goes boom there's still some satisfaction in killing evil things, you just have to go with the flow and not overthink it. So Dean tries not to.

_*_

Dean always had a soft spot for Chicago. The windy city turned into the rainy city, but the bars with pool are still open. So is his favourite pizza place, Margoli's, where he takes Cas.  
  
"I'm not letting you die before you try pepperoni and hawaiian."  
  
Cas makes funny faces when he enjoys food, like he doesn't know it's not forbidden to actually eat.  
  
"You were right. This is probably the best thing I've ever tasted," says Cas through a mouthful of crust, chicken and pineapples.  
  
It's raining heavily when they leave the restaurant, full and gloriously bloated, and Dean really, really wants to hold Castiel's hand, so he does. He doesn't have to care about anyone's opinion anymore, he doesn't have to keep up appearances. He's happy, he realizes.   
  
It's the strangest thing to be happy in the hour of doom, but he is.  
  
There are moments of peace in life; moments you want to remain in forever. The rain wets their hair and clothes, but they still stare at the street lights, holding hands. Finally Dean throws one of his arms around Cas's shoulders and whispers in his ear, "You know one thing I've never done?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Dean moves his face very close to Cas's, so they can share a breath.  
  
"Never kissed anybody in the pouring rain."  
  
Cas decides not to wait for Dean to kiss him, he just reaches Dean's mouth with his and closes the little space between them. Dean tries to make it as slutty as possible just for fun, so he grabs Cas by the waist and presses their bodies together. His hands move all over Cas's back and ass while his tongue goes wild. After a while he lets go with a sharp breath.  
  
"Well, that was... something," says Cas, trying to shake the water off his collar.  
  
"Yeah, I did my best and it was especially for you. You can pay me back at night."  
  
Dean winks and heads to the car.  
  
Castiel is probably a little, just a tiny bit, overwhelmed. He starts thinking he loves Chicago.

_I will stay up through the night_   
_Let's be clear, won't close my eyes_

_We failed._

It's a break of dawn, really, the light has just begun to sink in through the curtains, when they hear a loud bang on the motel room door.  
  
Dean turns to the other side facing Cas, who is already wide awake.  
  
"Room service? So early?"  
  
"I'll open." Cas gets up and heads to the door. He's wearing only boxers and a white T – shirt, his hair is beautifully dishevelled. He opens the door to a figure of a tall, long–haired man in a plaid shirt and a green jacket. Sammy.  
  
"Hi guys," he says hesitantly.  
  
"Sam," Dean forgets everything about being sleepy and mad for being woken up, he practically jumps out of bed and runs to his brother, almost strangling him in a hug.  
  
"Way too tight, man. Way too tight. But I'm glad to see you, too."  
  
Cas greets Sam with a warm hug too before they sit down to talk.  
  
"So I see the curse of silence is broken," says Dean.  
  
"Yeah, well. I couldn't... after the cage, I couldn't, for a long time, and I'm sorry. I was a useless waste of space," he raises a hand when Dean wants to protest. "No, I was. But I calmed myself at Bobby's. He was a little harder on me than you were, Dean. Finally I broke, spent a few days weeping and wailing and what have you, and now I'm here. Figured we might as well kick some ass together while we're still alive."  
  
Dean's smile looks like it could tear his mouth apart.  
  
"We're totally gonna."  
  
Sam's gaze goes from Dean's bare chest to Cas's messy hair and to the unmade king–size bed.  
  
"You guys are sleeping together now?"

* 

The Winchesters used to do it all the time: grab two cold beers each, sit down in the sun somewhere and talk a case through. They usually did it when the research was done and they needed a plan, or if the plan was simply grab a salt gun and go for it, they just had to wait until it's dark. Only now there was no case. It was two brothers on a curb outside the motel room door, the sun slowly setting, frosty beers making their hands wet.  
  
"I am so not ready to die." Dean stares at nothing in particular and takes a long sip. Sam sighs.  
  
"I know it must suck. For me, it doesn't really matter, you know? I've already had my worst."  
  
"So you're not gonna miss anything from here? I mean, assuming we're gonna get somewhere afterwards, and I really doubt it."  
  
"Well, we're going to a better place, where we'll have anything we want. So why miss living here?"  
  
Sam, as always, is optimistic about afterlife. Dean wishes he could share his point of view.  
  
"I'm gonna miss so many things."  
  
"Like what?" Sam asks.  
  
"I don't know, this? Cold beers, talking to you in when it's warm outside. Driving my car, loud music, black coffee, apple pie. Oh damn it, just food in general. Killing evil creatures. Laughing at stupid TV. Cas."  
  
Sam laughs a little. Seeing him so laid back is eerie for Dean, but eerie in a good way. It's just like the old times.  
  
"Looks like you've scored a jackpot, hitting it off with him. How long has it been?"  
  
"I prayed to him the day I dropped you off at Bobby's. He showed up immediately."  
  
"This is... I mean, I'm very happy for you. I always knew, Dean. From the very beginning."  
  
"Thanks, Sammy." Dean's voice sound even deeper than usual. "It's been great."  
  
As an afterthought, Dean adds quietly: "This is one of the things I'm gonna miss the most."  
  
They finish their bottles in silence.

_ I know that I can survive _  
_ I'll walk through fire to save my life  _

_We failed._

It's their last night, they've decided. Cas says tomorrow the end will come, so they're in Nebraska, in this town called Anselmo, near a big vampire nest.  
  
At night, they go out. Sam is not with them – he went to a rock concert nearby. He wanted some loud, sweaty, old–school type of fun, and nobody can blame him.  
  
The little bar is tempting, with its blurry lights and classic rock music.  
  
The waitress is still in her teens, wearing too much make–up and a bored expression.  
  
"What can I get you?"  
  
"Two double scotches," says Cas, before Dean even has a chance to utter the exact same words.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"I know you like the back of my hand, Dean. For what it's worth, I've been sleeping with you for the last couple of months."  
  
"I envy you," the young waitress says, pouring them drinks. "I had a fight with my boyfriend, so nobody's gonna sleep with me tonight."  
  
Here comes the feeling again. Dean wants to find the tallest building in town, stand on top of it and scream at the top of his lungs that this is the last night on Earth for everybody.  
  
"Make up with him, then," he tells the girl instead. "Why hold grudges? If it was your last night – the last night of your life, I mean, or his, would you want to die without him by your side?"  
  
The waitress frowns. Dean realizes they're the only patrons left in the bar. Cas drinks his scotch way too fast.  
  
"I have to make a phone call," the girl says, and then she disappears in the kitchen.  
  
Dean looks at Castiel in the light of the bar. He's sad, he's emotionless, he's worried, he's everything.  
  
In this very moment, he's perfect.  
  
Dean thinks about the way they've come to get here, the way of dying, suffering, forty damned years in Hell, saving the world. Everything is going to end tomorrow.  
  
"At least we still have tonight."  
  
"Let's drink to that." Cas tips his glass slightly to bump it against Dean's and they drink in silence.  
  
The teenage waitress comes back with a wide smile.  
  
"We're closing in fifteen, guys. I gotta go seize the day."  
  
Dean hears the song in the background and he has an idea.  
  
"Can you turn up the volume?"  
  
"Sure." The waitress leaves to change her clothes and Dean grabs Cas's hand.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Shut up and dance with me."  
  
"You know that I can't dance, Dean."  
  
"Me neither. Nobody cares anymore."

 _Love, only love_  
_Can bring back your love someday_  
_I will be there, I will be there_

Dean's head lies on angel's shoulder, his arms around his waist. Cas sighs deeply and tries to sink into Dean with his entire body.  
  
They move in circles, slowly, with the music. Dean is overflown with a feeling he has named in his head long ago. He never actually said the words as he should, but Castiel knows. He's been the only thing holding his head above the water in the worst of days. He pulled him out of Hell, he gave him a job to do. He always had faith in him, mostly when Dean had no faith in himself, no faith at all.

 _If we'd go again_  
_All the way from the start_  
_I would try to change_  
_The things that killed our love_

Castiel lost his grace to help Dean and Sam stop the Apocalypse. He fell for him, changed his entire life for him, and now he's going to die as a guy with frail angelic powers, icy blue eyes and hair that smells like field flowers. He's going to die because his father, God, hates all of his children. Maybe there's Heaven for them, but who knows? Maybe there isn't.  
  
Dean is overflown with a feeling. He wants to tell Cas, but it's easier to sing it right into his ear while they move around, slowdancing.

 _Yes, I've hurt your pride, and I know_  
_What you've been through_  
_You should give me a chance_  
_This can't be the end_  
_I'm still loving you_

They drive back to the hotel afterwards. Dean is so impatient he can barely hold the wheel anymore. His hands keep on slipping down to Cas's lap, he even tries to fiddle with his lover's zipper.  
  
"Dean, do you wish to get us killed one day before we die?"  
  
"Not really, no. I just want to have you in all of the possible ways before dawn, and the night isn't getting any longer."  
  
"Oh, I see. Carry on, then." Castiel moves his palm slowly up and down Dean's inner thigh, driving him crazy. He's an evil, evil bastard.  
  
The end of the journey can't get there fast enough. The way from the car to the door is even longer.  
  
Fifty steps. A key into the lock, twist, open. Close the door. Kiss against the wall for a while. Kick off the shoes. Drop the jacket, the coat, the shirt, the pants. Fall into bed.  
  
"Are we turning the light on?"  
  
Dean switches on the bedside lamp with one swift movement.  
  
"From now on, Cas, your only job is to stay quiet. I mean... no, that came out wrong. You _can_ make noises, but don't talk, okay? Just shut up and enjoy it."  
  
Cas looks into Dean's eyes and Dean is suddenly taken back to their first night together, when they had no idea what they were doing. The night of the first kiss, first touch, sharing a bed. The night of __why_ _ and _what_ and _where_. The night turned into the day way too fast, and the day was way too bright, way too cold and way too full of uncertainty. Dean had no idea how to even say hello anymore.  
  
Now it's all so easy, so good and it tears him apart.  
  
Castiel puts his palm on Dean's mark carefully. He left the mark there, on Dean's arm, years ago, but it was still bright red and warm to the touch. The angel moves closer, kisses Dean's shoulder up and down, slowly.  
  
"When I get to Hell again, everyone will know I'm your property." Dean laughs, but then Cas kisses the crook of his neck and the lobe of his ear and Dean loses the ability to speak coherently. He lets himself sink into Cas for one last time before they leave into The Great Unknown.  
  
The rest of the night is lost in heavy breaths, whispers, no sleep and _not enough, never enough._  
  
The sun rises at 4:48.  
  
"How did you like our last night on Earth, Dean Winchester?"  
  
"It was the best last night I've ever had."

_We failed._

 

_You did not break me  
I'm still fighting for peace _

"Hey, Bobby."  
  
"Dean, put me on speaker."  
  
"You're on."  
  
"Hey, guys. How are you all doing?"  
  
Cas mutters "Hello, Bobby." Sam shouts "Hey!" enthusiastically.  
  
"We've got a big gig planned for tonight. A vamp nest. If we make it there through the storm, of course. We want to go out in style."  
  
"Well, good luck. I'm going out the classy way - in front of my fireplace, with a bottle of my finest scotch."  
  
"Bobby..."  
  
"Yeah, boy, I know. See you on the other side, guys."  
  
"See you on the other side."

* 

"So this is it." Sam looks around the motel room, full of things they're not going to need anymore.  
  
The afternoon is almost over, but they can tell only by their watches – the sky is grey, the thunder never stopping. Wind breaks trees, water keeps on flooding houses.  
  
Dean and Cas hold hands, looking at the remnants of their life, in silence that seems almost holy.  
  
"This is getting pretty sad. Let's grab out blades and go, okay? I wanna kill some evil sons of bitches before God kills them. And me."  
  
Dean is eager to go, he just wants to leave this depressing room and never come back. The good thing is, he never will. Nobody else is going to sleep here, ever.

* 

They take the shortest way possible, because it's really hard to drive through the storm. Dean lets his instinct lead him, as he brakes and accelerates, Impala's engine purring like a hungry cougar.  
  
Damn, he loves this car so much. It has never failed him.  
  
"You know what, guys, we can always roll the car off some cliff, go the romantic way."  
  
"No, Dean. We're going to kill the vampires." Cas's voice almost gets lost in the first notes of _Ramble On_ , Dean's all–time favorite song, blaring from the car stereo.  
  
"Okay then, hold onto your seats, 'cause I'm not going to spare this baby tonight."  
  
Dean drives as fast and carelessly as he can, and it's amazing.

* 

When they get there, they start a riot.  
  
They wave their blades.  
  
They shoot their guns.  
  
They cut off heads.  
  
They run and fight and scream, like they are in the middle of a war.  
  
One of the vampires outsmarts Sam, grabbing his neck and snapping it with an inhuman force. And then he runs to another room to hide from Dean, who seems to be unstoppable. But he has to take a moment to approach the dead body of his brother and close his eyelids with a soft touch of fingers.  
  
"Rest in peace, Sammy."  
  
And then he corners the vampire that killed his brother. "You're going to pay for this."  
  
Castiel, meanwhile, battles with a beautiful, but deadly dangerous lady.  
  
"I'm not gonna kill you, honey, you're too pretty. Wait for me here."  
  
She pierces his stomach with a knife once, twice, three times, and then she ties his hands to a pipe with her leather belt. Castiel, slowly bleeding out, sits on the floor and watches Dean fight the three remaining creatures on his own.

_Dean is much smarter than he gives himself credit for. He might not possess the wisdom of the books, like Sam does. Dean earned his wisdom by living. Dean knows everything there is to know about movies, tv shows and music. He gets all the references. But more importantly, he has seen things some people don't even imagine can be real. He found them, saw them, killed them. He was chosen for a mission and completed it. He didn't believe in God at first, but he always believed in him, in Cas. Castiel should consider himself lucky to be given this limited time with him. He was a lucky, lucky creature, because Dean Winchester trusted him and loved him. As he watches Dean decapitate one vampire after another, green shirt stained with blood, Cas's wrists tied to a radiator pipe, thunder roaring outside, he feels thankful, at peace and in love like never before._

(only minutes remain between us and eternity)

* 

All of the vampires are gone. The thunder is growing louder as Dean sits down on the floor opposite to Castiel, unties him and holds by both hands. His gaze drops to the bleeding hole in Cas's abdomen.  
  
"It's okay, Dean. It's over. Everything is already over."  
  
Castiel is pale like a wall behind him. His hands are getting colder, but Dean knows it's all okay.  
  
The floor starts to shake. The house around them is falling apart.  
  
"I'm here, Cas. Look at me. I'm with you. I don't know where we're going, but we're going there together. Look at me." Cas does. His eyes are two bright lights in his tired face.  
  
"Okay, Dean. Okay. I'm ready."  
  
The windows break, making a shrill sound and letting in the coldest of winds. The noise from the outside is unbearable. Pieces of ceiling, which have been falling on Dean's shoulders and back for a while are getting bigger and heavier, some of them even hurt him quite badly. Castiel squeezes Dean's hands. Dean squeezes back.  
  
The pain becomes like a sound you slowly walk away from, until you can't hear it anymore. A song turned off before it ends.  
  
After years of fighting, they're finally going to retire.  
  
He sees Cas smile at him for the last time, before his lover bleeds to death. And then Dean closes his eyes.

* 

(When they meet in Heaven, it's a completely different story.)

**Author's Note:**

> forever yours at samrull.tumblr.com


End file.
